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I first learned about D-MER from my amazing midwife after I gave birth to Nellie. With all of my other kids, I wasn’t ever able to breastfeed for very long because it gave me SO much anxiety! None of my previous doctors understood what I was going through and it was so frustrating to struggle for so long without any answers.
D-MER stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. Basically what that means is when most moms have a letdown, their brain produces all the happy chemicals that make breastfeeding wonderful! But my brain does the exact opposite. I’ve always heard that breastfeeding creates such a strong bond with your baby, but for me it just caused so much dread. Every time my milk would letdown, it would make me feel like I was in fight or flight mode. I would immediately get a pit in my stomach and it literally was like nails on a chalkboard.
I honestly felt so guilty and like something was wrong with me when I couldn’t breastfeed my babies. Doctors tried to prescribe antidepressants for postpartum but I was so happy all the time – except for those few minutes while I was trying to breastfeed. I knew that wasn’t the solution so with each baby, I quickly switched to organic formula and tried to bond with them in other ways.
This approach actually worked so well for me! I would rock each baby and sing them songs, we would read books together, and I still enjoyed feeding each one in their own way. But I always watched other moms with a twinge of jealousy that they could breastfeed and I just couldn’t.
When I was pregnant with Wells, I assumed that I would bottle feed him just like my others until the formula shortage happened. Even though he wasn’t born yet, it really scared me to think about what might happen if I wouldn’t have access to formula at some point. So I decided that I would do my best to breastfeed through my D-MER symptoms.
Luckily I found a supportive Facebook group where other moms were struggling with the same symptoms but still powering through it for their babies. I started to have a more open mind about what I was capable of and promised myself that I would give it a go!
I’m happy to report that Wells is almost 9 months old and we have been exclusively breastfeeding since he was born! No formula, no bottles, just me and my boy ❤️ We have started slowly with baby-led weaning and so far he is loving the combination of that and nursing still!
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For anyone else struggling with D-MER symptoms, I wanted to share what has worked so far for me:
- No caffeine (like none at all) this has made such a huge difference for me! Honestly, I’ll never go back to drinking caffeine now that I have been off it for so long.
- Being in the same place (a quiet rocking chair) without anyone else nearby. I know that sometimes during D-MER I’ll say things that I don’t mean, so eliminating that possibility makes it so that I don’t feel guilty for snapping at anyone when it’s just my anxiety talking
- Tapping (EFT) our body has multiple energy meridians where our emotions can sometimes get stuck. When I start to feel anxiety (at any time now) I will tap on my chest or forehead until it goes away. I’ve also done a lot of healing work using kinetic release so my body has been able to process some of those emotions for me proactively.
- Affirmations (for me and my babe) usually I say things like “you are doing such a good job” “I’m so proud of you” and encourage Wells to keep going. It helps me to know that I am doing this for him and we are in this together
- Mindset – sometimes when my D-MER is really bad, I just have to breathe and remind myself that this won’t last forever (meaning the letdown) but also that he is growing up so fast and I won’t ever have this time with him again!
After doing all of these things consistently, I’ve noticed that my D-MER symptoms haven’t been as bad with Wells as they were with my other kids! I’m so grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed for as long as I can and I’m also so happy to have the knowledge about D-MER to understand why I’ve felt this way for so long and that I’m not alone.
![](https://ashleymachele.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/21929/2023/03/img_0452-683x1024.jpg)
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Huge shoutout and thank you to Madison Gray Photography for capturing these moments for us ❤️